Ways Of Remaining Friends With Your Ex After Breaking Up
There’s this common saying among the
male folk that ” a man that hasn’t experienced a break up is a toddler”
which may be applicable to all and sundry given the fact that
heartbreaks help in one way or the other to shape the person we become.
Often times, we tend to meet someone who we become friends with. This
friendship may later translate to deep feelings from one or the both of
you leading to a relationship. The relationship might go on to become
serious enough leading to you spending a lifetime together or it may
fail to work out leading to heartbreak of one or both parties.
Several questions come up when the relationship fails to work such as if you should keep trying or if you have to cut loose that person from your life forever. Well answers to those questions are determined by us and certain factors such as if the initial relationship was based on mutual respect and trust. The steps below highlight how you can comfortably get back to the “friend zone” with your ex after break up.
Minimize contact
The most hurting and critical time is immediately after break up which makes it necessary for you to minimise contact immediately after break up as much as possible with your ex. Minimising contact doesn’t mean you have to completely avoid and ignore the person as doing so will only lead to more hurt. Try and create space and time between you both to heal and clear your minds. During the healing time, if any thing comes up that is not related to your break up but you’d want to share with a friend, feel free to talk to your ex about it as doing so will help you avoid intensity and maintain dynamism in your friendship.
Put away items that remind you of the person
It is easier for ladies to do this but in case you have difficulty putting away gift and memorabilia of your ex, then try as much as possible to view it in a positive light. This can be done replacing a romantic emotion with a positive one regarding the items that remind you of your ex. Think of the items as one given by a friend, family or relative. This would help in reducing your emotional attachment to your ex. Try also to take out time to reminisce about the good and bad times you had with your ex so that you can decide if you truly want to be JUST friends with. If you feel so, then you can try and contact them. Make sure that you do things that will make you happy during this period.
Talk about how much time the two of you won’t be in contact
It would help a lot to find a time frame that the two of you would stay away from each other. Ensure that you both try and stay away from each other within the time frame and decide who will contact whom when the time is up. After this time, ask your ex how they are and if they decide that they need more time, grant it.
If you or your ex decide to date someone else and still want to maintain the friendship, let the other person know. It would be inappropriate for them to find out from grapevine sources as that would inadvertently put an end to the relationship. It is however important that you note that despite the fact that you once dated and are presently friends doesn’t mean they would be cool will intimating you with details of their new relationship as this is bound to make either of you hurt, jealous and uncomfortable.
Efforts may fail to yield results
It is pertinent that you bear in mind that friendship with your ex may be an impossibility for months or ever again as people handle their pains and lives in different ways. Be patient and bear in mind that it takes a while to heal. In time, you may discover that you are both have grown so far apart and have nothing left to be friends for. If it so happens this way, revel in the good times and cherish the things you learnt while you were in the relationship. You’ve got no choice at this point than to move on as failing to let go will hinder new opportunities waiting to come your way.
Several questions come up when the relationship fails to work such as if you should keep trying or if you have to cut loose that person from your life forever. Well answers to those questions are determined by us and certain factors such as if the initial relationship was based on mutual respect and trust. The steps below highlight how you can comfortably get back to the “friend zone” with your ex after break up.
Minimize contact
The most hurting and critical time is immediately after break up which makes it necessary for you to minimise contact immediately after break up as much as possible with your ex. Minimising contact doesn’t mean you have to completely avoid and ignore the person as doing so will only lead to more hurt. Try and create space and time between you both to heal and clear your minds. During the healing time, if any thing comes up that is not related to your break up but you’d want to share with a friend, feel free to talk to your ex about it as doing so will help you avoid intensity and maintain dynamism in your friendship.
Put away items that remind you of the person
It is easier for ladies to do this but in case you have difficulty putting away gift and memorabilia of your ex, then try as much as possible to view it in a positive light. This can be done replacing a romantic emotion with a positive one regarding the items that remind you of your ex. Think of the items as one given by a friend, family or relative. This would help in reducing your emotional attachment to your ex. Try also to take out time to reminisce about the good and bad times you had with your ex so that you can decide if you truly want to be JUST friends with. If you feel so, then you can try and contact them. Make sure that you do things that will make you happy during this period.
Talk about how much time the two of you won’t be in contact
It would help a lot to find a time frame that the two of you would stay away from each other. Ensure that you both try and stay away from each other within the time frame and decide who will contact whom when the time is up. After this time, ask your ex how they are and if they decide that they need more time, grant it.
If you or your ex decide to date someone else and still want to maintain the friendship, let the other person know. It would be inappropriate for them to find out from grapevine sources as that would inadvertently put an end to the relationship. It is however important that you note that despite the fact that you once dated and are presently friends doesn’t mean they would be cool will intimating you with details of their new relationship as this is bound to make either of you hurt, jealous and uncomfortable.
Efforts may fail to yield results
It is pertinent that you bear in mind that friendship with your ex may be an impossibility for months or ever again as people handle their pains and lives in different ways. Be patient and bear in mind that it takes a while to heal. In time, you may discover that you are both have grown so far apart and have nothing left to be friends for. If it so happens this way, revel in the good times and cherish the things you learnt while you were in the relationship. You’ve got no choice at this point than to move on as failing to let go will hinder new opportunities waiting to come your way.
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